Attitude
Current mood: exhausted
Category: Life

Well, this one is going to be short, sweet and to the point!  I believe in having a good attitude.  Attitude is everything.  It can make or break your day, your life, your relationships, your career, your dreams, your personal growth….everything!  I heard a saying WAY back in jr. high school…..Attitude, it’s 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with it!  I love that!  I believe that.  The Word of God tells us to “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” - Romans 12:12.  I love that too!

I recently received the following in an email and I’ve read something similar to it before, but I think this is an excellent example of having a good attitude no matter what life throws your way!

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.
Well,’ she said, ‘I think I’ll braid my hair today?’  So she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.  ‘H-M-M,’ she said, ‘I think I’ll part my hair down the middle today?’  So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.  ‘Well,’ she said, ‘today I’m going to wear my hair in a pony tail.’ So she did and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn’t a single hair on her head.
‘YEA!’ she exclaimed, ‘I don’t have to fix my hair today!’
Attitude is everything.  Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly…….
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass.
It’s about learning to dance in the rain.
- Author unknown

That’s what I’m talkin’ about!  I have a real life good attitude example in my grandmother.  I hope that I am able to be so peaceful and positive  when I am approaching the end of my days in this life, as well!

A positive attitude can make anything a little bit better or a little bit easier or a little bit more manageable….and a lot of the time, it does more than that!  It can simply make things in life great!

So, make sure you have a good attitude today!   

Walkin’ on…..one step at a time…
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

Well, here I sit, feeling so many different things… I’m tired, I have a headache (of course, I’m hungry, so that doesn’t help matters), my sinuses are starting to bug me…all of those surface things. Going a bit deeper though, I’m sad that I’m going to lose my grandmother, but so very happy that I am getting to spend time with her and that she is so at peace with her decision to refuse any more treatment and spend her remaining days at home with family around her! I have to tell you that she looked pretty good, all things considered, when I saw her this past weekend. My mom and my aunt both said the same thing….that almost as soon as she made her decision to refuse any further treatment, it was like this weight was lifted and so much of the stress and anxiousness was gone. Since she’s been home, she’s been eating SIGNIFICANTLY more than she has been and sleeping very well! She does indeed have a little more energy. Now, not that I believe that it’s going to last, but it was my prayer that she would not be miserable and that she would regain some strength. She is still very weak, don’t get me wrong, but she isn’t in any pain and does not seem miserable to me. So that’s great!!

My other prayer was that she could hold on until my brother, TJ, gets home from Iraq so they can see each other….I personally believe that she’ll be able to do that. I know we can never know when our time is up or how things will happen, but I just truly believe in my heart that they will get to see one another! I can’t explain it, I’ve just always felt that way about this particular aspect of the situation. Doesn’t mean I’m right, but that’s what I think. So, anyway, Godspeed my brother!

I can only say this…I hope that when I am faced with death, I can be like her. She is truly at peace. As my dad, my sister and brother-in-law, and my husband and I visited with her and as other family members were in and out visiting her over last weekend, we had a good, positive time together. Laughing and carrying on….grandma would think of something specific that she would want someone specific to have after she’s gone, or she would ask one of us if we would want a certain item and we would talk about it peacefully and relaxed….. It wasn’t morbid or overly focused on the item, just more like a fact of life, simple… She even expressed concern to my mother over whether or not my sister and I would bring our children to the funeral…..we talked about it and we don’t plan to at this time, instead we are going to take the kids up, one or two at a time over the next few weeks, to see her for a few hours….can’t bring them all at once, she doesn’t have the energy for all that commotion….

So, am I sad? Yes, you bet I am. I am going to miss her soooo terribly when she’s gone. But, she’s not gone yet, and I am going to spend every possible spare moment with her that I can muster for whatever time she has left! And for that opportunity, I am happy and thankful!

Also, I appreciate the incredible support of my friends! (A few special ones in particular! Girls, L-T-U, you’re the best!) Life wouldn’t be the same without you! You’re amazing! You all rock and I love you! And I cannot possibly forget to say how thankful and blessed and grateful I am to have my husband, Joby, by my side. My rock, my love, my partner and friend. I don’t know what I would do without you. Thank you for your support and your love!

After spending time with grandma last weekend, as we were driving back home, I was thinking about how glad I was to have gotten to spend time with her and how blessed I am to have friends to help me through…..and a line from one of my favorite movies popped into my head…….it’s from the 3rd Lord of the Rings movie, Return of the King…..at the end, as Frodo and Sam are lying on the big rock amidst all the lava flowing all around them, Frodo says to his best friend Sam something along the lines of - I’m so glad it’s you that I’m with here at the end of all things……

Life…
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

As I sit here listening to my 3 year old son come down the steps, go into his Granny’s room and visit with her and then make his way into the office and fire away questions,  comments and temper tantrums at me, one right after the other………I am amazed.   He has grown up so very much over the last 6 months! He’s no longer a baby or toddler, he’s much more of a little boy.  (Even more evident as he climbs all over me in the computer chair as I type!)

But, actually, this isn’t about him….or my older son (who is sleeping over at his cousin’s house tonight)….I’ve been thinking a lot about my grandmother today.  My mom’s mom.  She has stage 4 breast cancer that has spread and is too far along do surgery or chemo.  She is on medication to try to shrink the tumors a little bit and at least give her back some energy and appetite.  She’s been dealing with depression, which is extremely unlike her and very difficult to handle, especially for my mother.  You see, my grandmother has always been the most get up and go kind of woman!  She never sat still, she was always working in the yard or in her flowers or in the kitchen (she loves to cook and nobody can cook like her!) or working around the house….until now.  She can barely make her bed without almost passing out, and she has to sit down after she’s gone from one room to the next.  This is killing her.  Not just physically, but mentally/emotionally, whatever you want to call it….it’s trying to take her spirit too, as I see it.  She always told me that if she ever couldn’t do for herself or be active, it would just kill her.  Wow….

Let me tell you a little bit about her….she is a wonderful woman and the single most influential person in my entire life!    She was born and raised in poor, rural West Virginia and had 10 brothers and 6 sisters.  Yep!  She was one of 17 children!  One of the oldest, she often cooked and cared for the younger ones in addition to all of the other chores they had to do.

She married my grandfather (after he followed her from various locations in WV to Ohio and after more than one marriage proposal to which she told him no, she finally said yes!) in February of 1950 and my mother was born in November of 1950.  They didn’t waste any time!  8 years later, in March of 1958, my aunt was born and their family was complete.  I never knew my grandfather.  He had leukemia and passed away on December 19, 1966….just 6 days before Christmas.  My mom was 16 years old and my aunt was only 8…..

My grandmother worked, blood, sweat and tears, to keep from going on welfare.  A gentleman at some government office said to her after grandpa died, “Well, you’re going to have to.  You’ll never make it.”  Well, guess what?  She did.  She was determined to do it herself and she did, in a time when it wasn’t likely for a woman to raise a family on her own!  She is truly an amazing woman!

From that point on, she just kept living life as she always had….taking the bull by the horns and forging her way ahead!  She is so determined and certain about what she thinks and believes, and she is sooo much fun too!  She is a character, that’s for sure!  Ornery, funny, full of life!

I love her so very much.  And today…….today it is killing me to imagine life without her. I am so sad.  To imagine Thanksgiving without her and her delicious food…….to imagine Christmas without her is agonizing.  Christmas is her favorite, it was the favorite of her and grandpa together too.  She told me once that on Christmas Eve they would have 24 or 25 people in their tiny house to celebrate!  I guess I get it honestly, I love Christmas too!

And so, here I sit……contemplating life’s changes that are to come, whether I want them to or not, whether I’m ready for them or not…..and not just her illness and the thought of losing her……from this point on in my life, I’m going to go through a lot more loss.   You know, it’s odd……I’ve always known this is what life brings, but the older I get and the more real it becomes……wow…..that sucks.  But then I take a big, deep breath and sigh…….it is what it is and I certainly cannot change it…..so maybe I’ll let it change me….for the better, I hope.  Maybe I’ll try a little harder to be kind to people, or learn to cook better, or excersize more, or spend more time with my family and friends, or to feel everything deeply, or make absolutely certain that I’m living my life to the fullest in every way that I know how, seizing the day and making it mine, “sucking the marrow out of life, but being sure to not choke on the bone”, attempting to live my dreams and making sure that I live with no regret…..

Yeah…….maybe…..

Year in review…
Current mood: thankful
Category: reflective Life

     Well, here we are at the end of 2007 and I just thought I’d take a look back at the year I’ve had and share some thoughts with you.  I can barely even recall ringing in the New Year 12  months ago, although I know it was our first in our new home, it was rather uneventful.

Now it’s time to look forward.  Forward to a December Get Together with those cherished old friends!!!  I can’t wait!!  Forward to ringing in a new year with my husband and children!!  Forward to  2008 and all that it brings with it!!  May each of you find peace, love, happiness, joy and contentment!!  I love you all!!